When I wake up in the morning my primary objective is getting a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, I usually have to delay that gratification in order to make room for said cup of coffee by emptying my bladder. This morning was no different.

Why didn’t I just lock the door?

I had barely gotten in position and started my engines when the sound of little feet came thundering down the hall. Before I could react, she was there. Ione. Wearing only her underwear. The two handed “maybe-I-can-physically-hold-this-stuff-in” crotch grab. Jumping up and down. Squealing. “I gotta go pee! I’ve been holding it alllll night!”

“Ummmm. Why don’t you go downstairs?”

Dance, dance, dance. Grab, grab, grab. “I’ll just wait.” And, watch.

I don’t know about you, but my bladder can actually hold a fair amount of liquid. And, it can take a good 20 seconds for that liquid to make it’s way out the exit. This morning, that 20 seconds felt like an eternity.

Dance, dance, dance. Grab, grab, grab. “Hurry UP!”

“I can’t just…. stop!”

Now, I’m not only being watched while I urinate – but, I am being judged on my speed and technique. I remember the good old days — before kids — when I was actually uncomfortable with urinating in public.

Why didn’t I just lock the door?