Apparently, and I have no hard evidence on this, but apparently, any form of communication is better if you give it a title. Not just any title, but an obscure self-referential title that purposefully misleads the audience under the guise of building “intrigue.” This new art of titling is deceptively difficult.

There are several rules. The title must be 1) a single word, 2) a noun to be specific. The aforementioned noun needs to 3) seem like a non sequitur – but, it 4) has to appear in the body of the message seamlessly and without effort. However, 5) you lose points if it appears too early on. Preferably, it would appear in the final sentence, offering a much needed sense of satisfaction to the overwhelming anticipation which it has so inappropriately built. 

I don’t know why this bugs me so much. It just does. Maybe it’s because it seems so pretentious to think one would find me profound, not because of the content of my message, but because of the self absorbed creativity I have displayed in giving it a title. More probably, it’s because all of my forays into this realm of self expression result in disappointment – like 12:01 at a New Year’s Eve party.